1WW, coffee and graduation

Well not the kind of wait we're all hoping for but it is 1 week before J and I go to visit our Dr to find out how the donor screening went. I'm really excited. We're going to drive up on Sunday and check into a hotel. I really want to go to a nice dinner but DH is really figting hard not to make it an expensive weekend. I know we spend a lot in this process and that every penny that we spend extra is cutting into future spending but is it so wrong to want a nice steak? After dinner (I'll let you know where we end up going) were toying with the idea of going out to a movie. Our appt is on Monday at 1pm. we'll probably sleep in then make our way to that end of town.

I'm a bit bummed because I just signed up for a fertility yoga class and its on Sunday nights. I'll miss the first one which sucks...but it is what it is.

I sit here drinking a nice cup of coffee which I decided last night while going through the thoughts in my head that I am going to ween myself off of coffee...starting tomorrow. Well actually I'll finish this cup and rather than going to work with a travel mug of coffee I'll opt for a herbal tea.

I met up with a fertility friend on Saturday for coffee. She just got a BFN after ICI. Its her 6th try. I don't know if I could go through DE ivf 6 times mentally let alone afford it. She is really strong...I don't think she thinks she is though. We talked about our support group and what it would be like to have one of us "graduate" on one hand we would be happy but on the other sad it wasn't us. I get a pang of hurt every time I see another baby announcement made on Facebook or at a restaurant or on TV and I really wish that it didn't hurt. But I know it will take all of my strength to not put on FB that I'm preggo when it happens. Its not fair to those out there suffering alone or those ladies I've met in the club.

I think about after I graduate...will I push this aside and forget that this was a big part of my life and enjoy what I've been longing for for so long? I hope I don't forget...

The Big Screen

We got an email from the clinic today saying they booked the donor in for her screening. They actually had thought we wanted to start right away, but we were hoping to start in January. I told them to keep her screening as scheduled with the thought that if something came back wonky that we would still have time to figure it all out between now and January. They were fine with that.

The reason we want to wait until January is with both or our works are really difficult to get time off in November and December. January is really slow for me but still busy for J. But he works for his dad so getting the time off isn't hard.

We do want to go to the clinic between now and December to leave a J sample, just in case the weather hits us before we need to go down there for fertilization. We live about 5 hours from the clinic and if the snow hits in January we need to make sure we have a plan B.

So this week we need to transfer the retainer fee to the clinic, its a bit scary going through this for the first time and handing over large sums of $....$6000 for agency, $10000 for the medical clinic and there will be more to come in January.

Its hard to keep positive and stress free. I have been going to a holistic practitioner for the past few months but I'm going to stop going to see him. I just don't think he gets it. He asks me the same questions every time I go...and I just can't deal with that, pay attention or do your homework. I think I'm going to go to yoga instead, there are classes at the gym that I got to so I won't need to fork over more $ for it.