I POAS'd yesterday...

at 9dp3dt...

Two lines!!! I know we are so lucky that on our first try we got a BFP. I was going to wait until Monday originally but it just felt right to do it yesterday. I came out of the bathroom and J was struggling to get out of bed and was lying down with his eyes closed. I put it in front of his face and told him to look. I honestly don't think that he really knew what he was looking at so I explained that 2 lines is a good thing. Then J felt like he had to POAS himself. I think it was his way of comparing the two tests since it is a faint line (it shows better in person than in these pics). He joked that he's been feeling really PMSy the pat few days so he doesn't think its his month...lol. I love him and his sense of humor.

I did have brown bleeding yesterday but none through the night last night or this morning. I sign I am taking at implantation bleeding. I had 5 minutes of freaking out then relaxed about it.

Here is this mornings at 10dp3dt...

I'm going to keep POAS at least until the beta on Thursday.

Thank you for everyone who have been following and routing for me.

5dp3dt, random thoughts in a 2ww

I'm already tired of waiting. Its' only been 6 days since the transfer.
My heart goes out to anyone that has done this hell wait more than once. I hope I don't have to do this more than once.

I wonder if I should POAS early next week but then wonder if I could deal with the thought of it coming back negative. J and I talked about it last night over Valentines Day dinner. He thinks I should wait. I just want him to be there when I find out. I don't want to get that call alone or while I'm at work. I think I may "work from home" next Thursday. I just don't know.

I'm questioning everything that could be a symptom. My boobs don't really hurt unless I push on them but even still not a lot of pain.

My tummy gets more bloated as the days goes on but that is a symptom of the progesterone. I get twinges from time to time in my belly. Not sure if they are good or bad twinges.

The embryo(s) should have implanted yesterday so I think any pregnancy signs should get more increased from today on. We'll see.

I did feel sick yesterday morning but that could have been just due to the fact of going back to work which is not a great place to be right now. A colleague just quit and the office is a bit of a stressful place. Can't wait for my review this afternoon. One of my colleagues just announced that her sister (who had been IF and this was her last shot) got a positive beta yesterday. I'm happy for her but I just want to the the positive one.

I want to be able to tell my family in a creative way that it worked. A cake with a fondant positive pee stick, t-shirts that say grandma and grandpa on them, a shirt for my dog that say "soon to be fur brother".

I just finished my lunch at work. Now I'm freaking out that it was a cold meat sub. Apparently processed meats are not good for you if your pregnant. There are so many do's and don'ts that I just don't know what to follow and not.

I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 9.5 days...

2dp3dt

I can't believe I am able to type that title. I was/am a bit worried that I don't feel anything really. A few twinges and teeny tiny cramps. But being so I wanted to figure out what stage the embies were possibly at and I found the following "schedules" for 3dt and 5dt.

3-DAY TRANSFER:
1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing
2dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
3dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
4dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
5dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
6dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
7dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
8dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
9dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
10dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
11dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

5-DAY TRANSFER:
-1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing
0dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
3dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
5dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

There it is...I have blastocysts inside me today.

3 P's

I know that I was warned about the uncomfortable feeling of a full bladder but wow, it friggin' hurt. I told J that I was scared that I would leak like a water bed during the acupuncture. I didn't thankfully but the acupuncturist laughed at the comment. I also listened to a guided meditation during the acupuncture. The visualization at was of a warm bath (flowing water...um not helping), then it also talked about going to a place of vacation to all of my cells feel like bursting. The only thing that i could think about was the washroom and peeing. I was allowed to pee before going into the OR, I sat there for what seemed like eternity. J told me to go again...so I slipped out and went again. Then the ultrasound tech came in after I got back checked to make sure my bladder was full enough and let me go one more time. So in all I went three times. It was damn full!

The doctor came in did his clamp, clean, insert thing and then transferred in 2 beautiful embies! J is calling them P1 and P2. P is for petri. I'll post the pictures when I get back home. I took them on my phone and I can' figure out how to get them on here yet. t was kind of surreal. I still can't believe they are inside me right now. I keep touching and rubbing my belly. J asked how my belly was feeling a few minutes ago and I told him I couldn't fell them kicking yet. Ha-ha.

Now the 2ww...

17 and counting...

All 17 are still going strong! We got the email this morning giving us the instructions and explaining how the proceedure works. All in all it seemed pretty striaghtforward.

We're going out for dinner tonight. We've been really frugal over the past week so really looking forward to tonight.

We have to be at the clinic at 8:45am, accupunture at 9:00am, transfer at 9:30, accupunture after transfer. One for sleep!

Update #2

Wanna hear a joke? Leave it to a pregnant infertile to blow her nose and see a tinge of red on the tissue and instantly panic. And then she remembers it came from her nose, not her vagina. And calmness resumes. I borrowed this from a fellow bloggerVenting Vagina

The email from the nurse this morning indicated that the donor has 15 follicles ranging from 14mm to 17mm. Not quite the 24 follies that we had 2 days ago but still a HELL of a lot more that I have myself.

She goes back in on Saturday for one more ultrasound then takes her trigger in the evening. Then that's it until 36 hours later for the retrieval.

I start my new medication protocol on Sunday (I originally thought it was Monday). POI, 4mg of estrace, progesterone suppositories x3 a day, still taking 81mg of aspirin and pregvit.

Work is busy trying to wrap things up here before I'm gone next week. I'm a bit worried for when I come back I have a few large functions that I need to organize upon my return in addition to whatever else fall on my desk in the next week.

I also anticipate that one of my collegues is going to quit in the next week or so...she just waiting for find another job then she is going to give her notice. So much for the first trimester not being full of stress...

WTF???

Last night I got a text from a friend that knows we are going thru IF issues and told me to take a look at the W5 news that was on. I got the text 15 minutes after he sent it so the news was off. I went online to watch it. It made me so f*&KING angry. It was titled "The Murky World of Reproductive Medicine"

Rather than retype the whole story here is the link to watch/read about it HERE or go to another bloggers site "WANTED: One Good Embryo" THIS POST to read her take on it .

I just wanted anyone who saw this or anyone that goes to this link to know that the woman "Secaly" is not and should not be regarded as proper representation of the majority of women that need to get help to get pregnant. She is not well and her doctors should be ashamed of allowing her to continue to do what she is doing.

Shame on you W5 for choosing her to be the “poster child” for women in my situation and to continue to allow this "murky" shadow to be cast on us. Most people like me who need help to get pregnant do not want a designer baby with specific traits nor do we want to sell off the ones that don't come back perfect. We want a baby…period.

I vow that once I have a child to call my very own I will do everything that I can to have women in my situation in Canada portrayed as normal, non crazy humans who don't want designer babies with a specific gender or physical characteristics.

I promise.

omg!omg!omg!

So here it is.

All contracts are signed. After waiting for a LONG time to get the lawyer to have a 2 minute conversation saying everything looked fine. See previous post detailing aggravation.

All parties are paid.

Lining ultrasound on Wednesday first thing in the morning with
"shot class". This is where J learns to give me intramuscular shots. See the link if you want to watch what I have to look forward too. VIDEO

From there I find out the rest of my protocol. I should start progesterone suppositories, progesterone injections in cotton oil and decrease my estrogen later this week.

J's parents told us for Christmas that they wanted to pay for our hotel when we go down for the transfer, so nice of them to offer and we are going to take them up for it.

I need to confess something...I bought the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book. I know its pretty early but the first chapter is about before conception which is what twisted my arm into buying it. I was going to buy pregnancy tests too but I don't need to take it for over 6 weeks from now so I thought I'd hold out. It hard not to get too ahead of myself....really hard.

Pushed back!?!?!

Ugh...donors cycle was late...retrieval is now on Feb 4th, transfer on the 7th...sigh.

Yippeee!!!

A big step today...

Got my protocol and the donor termination of parental rights documents...I'll update with more details later...yea!!!

Ok so here is the update:

What a busy email day...

It started with an email from the clinic with my protocol and medical consent forms to fill out. Yippee! Estrace 4mg twice a day starting on December 30th, ultrasound on the 12th to see where my lining is...depending on the results of the ultrasound will predict the rest of the protocol. But if all goes well I'll take my progesterone shots, 1cc once a day, (ouch) and progesterone suppositories (yuck) 3x a day. Then we should be in T.O. for transfer the last week of January.

My eyes are crossed by all of the pages of medical and legal mumbo jumbo...I forwarded the documents to our lawyer. We should hear back from her next week.

So excited!