that longest night ever...

After what was the hardest night ever…cramping and lots of red blood, very little sleep. We still had to go to the doctors for an ultrasound this morning. We knew there would be nothing there. J tried to keep my mind off of it on the car ride by bringing up the most random topics…I love him a lot. We got to the doctors; I went to the bathroom, more blood but brown this time. The nurse called us into the room and I undressed and got on the table. She did an internal with wanda and there were two sacs, with a baby in each it them and they had heartbeats…126 and 130!!! I do have a hematoma, caused most likely by implantation, nothing to be concerned about unless the blood is accompanied by clots and lots of cramping. I’ll post pictures when they get emailed to me. TWINS!!!

I'm starting to freak out

My ultrasound is on Thursday. I know that spotting is supposidly normal but I'm really worried. I spotted on Feb 19th 9dp3dt, Feb 25th 14dp3dt (talked to the nurse and she said it was fine as long as there was no cramping and its brownish in color, which it is), and today 25dp3dt. I have taken a pregnancy test a few days ago and it still came back positive. I haven't had cramping but twinges on and off, honestly not sure if it gas/digestive twinges. I just want to see my bean(s). I want to make sure this is all really real.

2nd beta is in

Over 8000!!! Wow!!!

Feeling pretty good right now. BB are sore and super tired around 1pm every day. A bit of spotting this morning but the nurses told me not to worry it is normal. But its hard not to stress a bit about it.

Ultrasound on the 10th...more waiting!

Now what?

I have been focused on getting pregnant and that whole process for a long while now. Now that I am...there are so many things that I should be thinking about that has never have crossed my mind before. I don't even know where to start...well finding an obgyn is number one. But what else?

I found this list online. It seems pretty strightforward. One thing to consider each week...sounds simple enough.

I'm getting stressed about getting stressed. I work in a moderatly stressful place. I'm a Catering Sales Consultant. I organize (food, rentals, beverages, staff) events like corporate buffet lunches for 16 guests to high end galas of 600 guests. We have a few huge events coming up and the expectation is for me to go and launch them and put out any fires that come up. Normally it wouldn't stress me out but now its getting to me...even just the little things. My work does know my infertility background I'm pretty open with it...funny to think that I won't use my name on a blog but for those who know me on a personal day to day basis I don't.

I have been running an infertility support group since September and sadly I think that I will stop running them now. Most of it is due to the fact that I want to focus on me for the next 9 months, the other major part is that I don't think its fair for me to sit in a room with women who want what I want and the further I get the more painful it might be for them, I'd feel that way in thier shoes. I do enjoy the talks that I have with the women but I don't want to make them uncomfortable either. I have only told one current member that I POSD postive. Unfortunaly, she just found out today she got a BFN for her latest IUI. I feel like I'm letting them down.

I POAS'd yesterday...

at 9dp3dt...

Two lines!!! I know we are so lucky that on our first try we got a BFP. I was going to wait until Monday originally but it just felt right to do it yesterday. I came out of the bathroom and J was struggling to get out of bed and was lying down with his eyes closed. I put it in front of his face and told him to look. I honestly don't think that he really knew what he was looking at so I explained that 2 lines is a good thing. Then J felt like he had to POAS himself. I think it was his way of comparing the two tests since it is a faint line (it shows better in person than in these pics). He joked that he's been feeling really PMSy the pat few days so he doesn't think its his month...lol. I love him and his sense of humor.

I did have brown bleeding yesterday but none through the night last night or this morning. I sign I am taking at implantation bleeding. I had 5 minutes of freaking out then relaxed about it.

Here is this mornings at 10dp3dt...

I'm going to keep POAS at least until the beta on Thursday.

Thank you for everyone who have been following and routing for me.

5dp3dt, random thoughts in a 2ww

I'm already tired of waiting. Its' only been 6 days since the transfer.
My heart goes out to anyone that has done this hell wait more than once. I hope I don't have to do this more than once.

I wonder if I should POAS early next week but then wonder if I could deal with the thought of it coming back negative. J and I talked about it last night over Valentines Day dinner. He thinks I should wait. I just want him to be there when I find out. I don't want to get that call alone or while I'm at work. I think I may "work from home" next Thursday. I just don't know.

I'm questioning everything that could be a symptom. My boobs don't really hurt unless I push on them but even still not a lot of pain.

My tummy gets more bloated as the days goes on but that is a symptom of the progesterone. I get twinges from time to time in my belly. Not sure if they are good or bad twinges.

The embryo(s) should have implanted yesterday so I think any pregnancy signs should get more increased from today on. We'll see.

I did feel sick yesterday morning but that could have been just due to the fact of going back to work which is not a great place to be right now. A colleague just quit and the office is a bit of a stressful place. Can't wait for my review this afternoon. One of my colleagues just announced that her sister (who had been IF and this was her last shot) got a positive beta yesterday. I'm happy for her but I just want to the the positive one.

I want to be able to tell my family in a creative way that it worked. A cake with a fondant positive pee stick, t-shirts that say grandma and grandpa on them, a shirt for my dog that say "soon to be fur brother".

I just finished my lunch at work. Now I'm freaking out that it was a cold meat sub. Apparently processed meats are not good for you if your pregnant. There are so many do's and don'ts that I just don't know what to follow and not.

I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 9.5 days...

3 P's

I know that I was warned about the uncomfortable feeling of a full bladder but wow, it friggin' hurt. I told J that I was scared that I would leak like a water bed during the acupuncture. I didn't thankfully but the acupuncturist laughed at the comment. I also listened to a guided meditation during the acupuncture. The visualization at was of a warm bath (flowing water...um not helping), then it also talked about going to a place of vacation to all of my cells feel like bursting. The only thing that i could think about was the washroom and peeing. I was allowed to pee before going into the OR, I sat there for what seemed like eternity. J told me to go again...so I slipped out and went again. Then the ultrasound tech came in after I got back checked to make sure my bladder was full enough and let me go one more time. So in all I went three times. It was damn full!

The doctor came in did his clamp, clean, insert thing and then transferred in 2 beautiful embies! J is calling them P1 and P2. P is for petri. I'll post the pictures when I get back home. I took them on my phone and I can' figure out how to get them on here yet. t was kind of surreal. I still can't believe they are inside me right now. I keep touching and rubbing my belly. J asked how my belly was feeling a few minutes ago and I told him I couldn't fell them kicking yet. Ha-ha.

Now the 2ww...

Ugh face.book!

Seriously?!?!? Do you not think constant baby bump or ultrasound picutres were enough? Just when you think you've seen it all. This is how a FB contact announces she's expecting.



Ugh!